Empty pages in my mind

Lost innocence of laughter and floral pink dresses
with forced pony hairstyles on stubborn coarse hair
scattered puzzle pieces of memories
Lost stories of sibling rivary over marble collections and toy soldiers
My brother's favourite army , not even my loudest screams could summon
Dont get me wrong I had a good childhood
My parents loved me they still do
Sticks and stones just broke my spirits
Hot loud breath thats what I feared most
for I knew it meant it was time
Time to be a big girl and lay still dont make a sound
Time to be the big beautiful who could keep a secret

So I lay close my eyes tight and I imagine a blue tide washing my shame away,I imagined my soul drifting with the wave in a slow still dance
I imagine how the waves bow as if to say I am loved
I try not to feel my innocence slipping with every teardrop
Empty pages in my mind as I scrub it all away
The floral pink dresses with forced pony hairstyles on stubborn coarse hair
The love that was never meant for a child
The Love that nearly broke my spirit ,
So here I am using words to heal my soul

Tears never cried

Screams of horrors in a night mare she lives
She would give anything just to feel his lips
Against hers, anything for a touch a whisper
It is so hard to tell who’s who, when you scream for someone to wake you up
But no one hears you
Fake smiles behind tears, it seems faith has brought her
Winter in summer, night in daylight
It is so hard to want to live, when you don’t feel his love
It seemed like yesterday they were adolescents
Pretending to be just friends even though they knew better
It seemed unending, it felt like forever
Looking in to each others’ eyes
She felt time melt from the heat and passion they shared
Space and gravity did not exist
If only someone had told her this is where it would all end
She wouldn’t have wasted time sleeping
She wouldn’t have wasted time urging about silly things likes
Whether white is or isn’t the absence of colour
It’s so hard to tell what sunshine and warmth a smile brings
When you think it will always be there
It seems life has dealt her a bad hand
For without him her life is a dead end
She searches deep within for his face
His laughter, his touch, his scent
But all she finds is a cold reminder of all he took with him when he left
It seems without his kisses life has left a bad taste in her mouth
What happened to I would always be there
She needs him now more than ever, here alive
She closes her eyes so tight and tries to find him in space
Maybe if I pray hard enough God will hear me and wake me up from this night mare
If not me then wake him up
It is so hard to think about tomorrow, when today he is not here
It is so hard to heal, when my heart won’t even let me share a tear
So every day I pray dear God wake me up from this night mare
If not me then wake him up