For too long

(picture was found on goggle and is not work of the poet)

For too long I have packed my bags in anticipation that you will see the pain on my face
And rescue me to an island some where
So I neatly packed my sadness , anger and the ice cold chills that your snares and shouts sends down my spine, as you open fire with gut wrenching and heart dropping comments
And walk away with no care for my feelings
For too long I have stood in silence taking it all in like a worthless piece of art
For too long I have build myself up so you could come and tear me down and like a house of cards I would come tumbling down
You have stood by and watched me fall so you could tell me to stay down in a I almost care tone
That says if I was worth caring for you would actually care

I have stood in the centre of your entertainment circle and watched you play dots with my self esteem, as you give yourself points for tearing me apart piece by piece
For too long I have laid my dreams on the floor so you could wipe your feet each time you went after yours
I cried in darkness as you came home with rejection on your shoulders and spread my dignity so you could release your frustration and failures
I have read magazine after magazine and tried to be what they considered the perfect woman
So I put on heels of hope and before I can put one foot in front of the other you pull the B and H labelling rug under me so fast I trip and fall flat on my face
I have put on makeup and dreamt up a made up role for myself, one where I am visible
One where I have a voice just to have you spit on my face and tell me I should be glad I have someone like you in my life

For too long I have been the table that you put your stinking foot on
The ash tray that you put out your forever changing 2 minutes dreams out
The chair that you rest your no back bone back on
I have been your maid, your cook, your pleasure doll pulling positions that even a barley dancer would not master so you could position yourself better in life
I have watched you grown with pleasure and tried to keep this volcanic rage and disgust from erupting and burning these walls down

For too long I have kept from looking at my reflection in the mirror afraid that I might not recognise the real me, afraid that with all these layers of not being good enough , not being pretty enough and not being smart enough that you have painted on me might actually be who I am
For too long, I have been your mother, your neighbour, your sister
For too long I have been you